I'm on hour 36 of no sleep. I'm shaky. Restless. I need to get out of here. Where to and to do what? Who knows? I remember when I was a kid. I'd be making my way back home right about now usually this time of night. In the junior high years it would be from an x mile walk, usually around 10-12 miles. The endeavor would have began approximately 5 hours ago. In high school it would have been the conclusion to a night of either hanging out somewhere or creeping about somewhere else.
Now I just sit here. There is no purpose here. I'm grabbing at straws here and somethings gotta give. Why can't I sleep?
Days just drag. I never thought I'd miss the Army. I do. But only because I had purpose. Fuck them for defining that. At the same time thank god. I've gotta find it. I've gotta find something to fill that void.
School seems so far off. UXO seems like such an impossible road. Bomb squad. Kids, that's the shit I am talking about. Can I do what I was gonna do in the Army in the civilian world instead? Will my hip let me? I dont give a fuck, I have to try. Gimme 2 years kids, naw fuck it a year and a half, maybe even by this time next year. I'll be on my way.
Fitting, I think. Saving people by destroying the destructives. It makes sense. It's a good balance, yes?
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